u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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