i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Randomize
