help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
This is classic penis vs brain.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Randomize
