I cockslap morals
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
