Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize