i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
