Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
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