Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
