it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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