I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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