Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize