When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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