every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
