The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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