he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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