I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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