I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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