then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
