wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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