Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
