It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize