Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
