woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
