At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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