do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
My ass is underappreciated
Dicks are not precious.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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