i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
