No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
