Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
