Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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