i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
So vagazzling was a success
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
