There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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