i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
