We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
