I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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