that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
