If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
