its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
