why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
