Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
