Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize