you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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