Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
