I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
