So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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