Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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