We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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