Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize