Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Randomize
