My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Randomize