we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
