You're so nebulous sometimes
I haven't been this sober since birth.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
