Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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