Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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