Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
