remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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