Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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