a queef is a wish your heart makes.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
