I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
