Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
either way he was missing a nipple.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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