I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
