no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
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