Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
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