He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Randomize
