apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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