Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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