Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
