Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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