You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Rumble strips road head = magical
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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