It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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