I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
