So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize