You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
