Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
It's blow job season.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
