Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
