I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
