I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Semen is not good for contacts.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize