fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
