So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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