I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Randomize
