Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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