I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
