So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Randomize
