The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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