So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
