I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
