he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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