The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize