My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
