My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I could make wine with my vomit
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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