You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
