after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
