if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
