There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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