glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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