pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
