The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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