So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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