Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
