i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
