so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
