The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
