we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
