I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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