So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I just forgot I was standing up.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
