I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
