some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
