do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
