i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
