I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Acid is not a monday night drug
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
