i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
