someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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