So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
