If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
