Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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