The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Boobs speak an international language.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
