Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
